Intimacy 101

The main goal of every Christian is to have an intimate relationship with God and fellow believers. In looking at soul ties, it is interesting to see how Webster’s dictionary defines intimacy:

1. Associated in close personal relationship
2. Characterized by or involving warm friendship or a personally close or familiar association or feeling
3. Private; closely personal (one’s intimate affairs)
4. Characterized by or suggesting privacy or intimacy; cozy, (an intimate little café)
5. Engaged in or characterized by sexual relations
6. (Of an association, knowledge understanding, etc.) Arising from close personal connection or familiar experience
7. Detailed; deep (a more intimate analysis)
8. Showing a close union
9. Inmost, deep within
10. Of, pertaining to, or characteristic of the inmost or essential nature; intrinsic
11. Of, pertaining to, or existing in the inmost depths of the mind (intimate beliefs)
12. An intimate friend or associate, esp. a confidant
13. To indicate or make known indirectly; hint; imply; suggest
14. To make known; announce

Let’s use the various definitions as “levels” based on their number and give each a shorter description as follows:

1. Relationship
2. Friendship
3. Private
4. Cozy
5. Sexual Relations
6. Familiar experience
7. Detailed
8. Close Union
9. Deep Within
10. Intrinsic
11. Depths of the mind
12. Confidant
13. Hint
14. Make known

When it comes to breaking sexual soul ties, several levels of intimacy are involved:

Level 1/2   Relationship/Friendship

Friendship can be defined as, “A detailed knowledge of another person’s behaviors, thought processes and general familiarity with them that comes from living together.” Friendship can have various intensities based on the amount of time the individuals have spent together. At this level of intimacy, the relationship may not be friendly, and truth can be used against the other. The depth of knowledge about the other person is normally limited dependent on the other levels involved (i.e., #6 familiar experience, #5 sexual relations, #9 deep within, #12 confidant, etc.).

Level 5    Sexual Relations

This is the sexual aspect of intimacy. In marriage, we hope that most sexual relations include Level 2 (friendship). In casual sex, this is not the case. The younger the person’s age, the more important this element can become. For some women, this can be a participated aspect of the relationship but not a heartfelt emotion. Other issues that can inhibit this aspect of intimacy are children, infertility, infidelity, decision not to have children, etc. Sex can also be used as a weapon in the relationship. For example, one can withhold sexual relations from the other in order to achieve greater control of the marriage or relationship.

 Level 6   Familiar Experience

The level of intimacy in a relationship can be deeper when there is a shared experience. The group called “Mothers Against Drunk Drivers” is closely-knit because many share the grief over the loss of a child by a drunken driving accident. In the abortion recovery groups, the shared experience of abortion allows for deeper levels of intimacy. Through sharing of this familiar experience, the friendship can transcend into the “Deep Within” (Level 9). This level of intimacy is why abortion recovery healing groups are so special. The common sin of abortion is discussed and worked through, which rarely happens in our world.

 Level 9/11   Deep Within/Depths of the Mind

These levels of intimacy reflect total sharing of all emotions, experiences, memories, thoughts, fears, etc. These are normally held as the inner most personal property of the individual and rarely shared. These experiences can consist of patterns developed since childhood (dysfunctional families, satanic ritual abuse, sexual abuse, verbal abuse, etc.).

Many truths are difficult to discuss primarily because of fear of undermining one’s own mental state and/or fear of rejection. Memories can also be unavailable because they are deeply repressed, which is common after abortion. Many post-abortive individuals truly fear remembering the abortion because of the potential for mental duress.

These are levels that will bring the spiritual connection to the forefront of the relationship. When a spouse offers this level of intimacy, they normally have everything to lose and nothing to gain. In other words, they have no ulterior motive.

Rejection at these stages of intimacy can be very destructive to the sharing individual. Subsequently, these levels become the key to intimacy in maintaining a passionate, lasting and stable relationship. If the individual is accepted after being intimate at these stages, levels 2 and 5 can be greatly enhanced! Once trust is established at this level, the relationship can endure nearly any calamity presented. This stage of sharing takes the pressure off a marriage because once there is a shared trust there is no fear.

God already knows all the “deep within/closely held” secrets of their hearts. Nothing is hidden from His eyes. There is no need to fear being intimate and honest with God because He already knows all about it and loves/accepts them.

Level 14   Make Known

Being intimate at level 14 could mean sharing deeply held memories/truths on a public level. Many times, the various other levels listed previously must be achieved with family members first. In this manner, the person gains confidence that despite the potential for public rejection, their own family loves and accepts them. They can also gain permission for sharing because the “make known” element can affect the truths of others. We will discuss this level more in Module 9 – Sharing the Secret of Abortion.

Being intimate with an audience is one of the greatest tools the Lord uses in revival. Revelations 12:10 (NIV) speaks of this, “they overcame him (Satan) by the blood of the lamb and the word of their testimonies. They did not love their lives so much as to shrink from death.” It seems like I live my life at Level 14 when it comes to my abortion testimony. However, I rarely go into great detail about other deeply held truths. In other words, I don’t broadcast the number of lovers I’ve known or the depths of my drug use because I don’t want to offend the audience. This stage of intimacy involves major responsibility because the truth can be offensive or hurtful.

Helping others attain the various stages of intimacy listed previously, either in individual or group ministry, is the method I believe God will use to eventually end legalized abortion. Yet the real value in enhancing intimacy is the relational level the individual will enjoy with friends, family and God.

“Webster’s Encyclopedic Unabridged Dictionary of the English Language,” Thunder Bay Press, Copyright 1996 by Random House Value Publishing, New York, NY, p. 1000.